Posted on

What Hides Inside (12/29/15 Dream).

There were two dream scenes I remembered.

In the first, I’m at work. Elizabeth says something which prompts me to ask her whether she still meditates while intoxicated, and she says yes. I then explain to her how when you initially begin meditating your thoughts seem to get louder because you are paying more attention to them, but then they mellow out if you keep doing it for awhile. I tell her this is why I began and then stopped my meditation practice a few weeks back. My mood the following day was horrible, I remember, and my self-loathing ran deep.

In the second scene, I start yelling at mom viciously, saying how I will never get married, as if I am trying to hurt her by saying this. Then I add that if I ever have kids I’m not going to treat them how she treated me.

I woke up feeling angry that I’m evidently still this angry at my mother. She has changed since she retired; it was as if a fist within her was suddenly released. I thought I had gotten over this, grown out of it, and I’m embarrassed to still find it hiding within me.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s