In the dream I am washing tables in the dining room at work when a girl steps in from outside. I look up and it takes me a moment to realize it is Eva. I am surprised when she looks at me, smiles her characteristic smile and waves. Immediately my door buzzer wakes me up. No one was expected and though I waited, it never buzzed again. Why did I dream of Eva, who I have not seen or spoken with in some time? Whether it was her telepathic ping or my own conscience, it was likely because I saw a girl in a porno that reminded me if her girlfriend the night prior and engaged in a rather heated fantasy regarding her, which spawned the typical guilt.
I find myself looking at a mirror depicting a naked female body, though the head and legs aren’t visible. She is skinny, though not deathly so, with a good handful of boobs and some stretch marks around the tummy area. A very sexy body. I’m confused as to why my vision is fixed on this and it takes a moment for me to realize the correspondence between my consciousness and the image: it would appear I am looking into a mirror. I grab the boobs, push then together, touch myself, feeling everything. Then I begin feeling guilty, as this is clearly not my body but someone else’s and in a manner of speaking I an milestone her, violating her.
I am using the blue squeeze thing in the attempts to remove wax from my ear and kept drawing out these waxy globs of clear goo. I couldn’t seem to reach the end of it, but is finally felt as though I was hearing more clearly. I wake up confused, go to the bathroom and use the real blue thing in my ear and nothing comes up.
After the In the Wake of a Violation dream, I remain awake for awhile and then attempt to get some restful sleep before my third shift. In the perhaps two hours I am asleep, I have yet another dream. I am a passenger in a car with two male friends of mine who are driving around beneath the muddy waters of a large lake or pond. We are not entirely submerged, but keep hitting these deep patches that drop off into seeming bottomless. I feel like I’m drowning, struggling underwater when this happens and my anxiety rises.