It’s a traditional story. An archetypal story, and I’ve encountered manifestations of it twice this week.
Girl meets boy. They get in a relationship. Boy abuses girl. Girl makes excuses for him and for maintaining the relationship, such as that she’s afraid he’ll abuse her even more if she tries to leave — but this later reveals itself to be merely a justification, an empty one, because:
Girl finally escapes boy. And then girl goes back to boy.
Is this an existential continuity error? A glitch in the goddamned matrix?
Repepitition breeds familiarity, offering comfort through it’s predictability and, in some cases, the illusion of control. This is why certain people gravitate towards abusive relationships: they were in that kind of relationship with their caregivers, it was all they ever knew, and the familiarity and predictability of those patterns in a relationship offer some false sense of security.
It’s like the relationship equivalent of having that annoying but catchy song stuck in your head, playing on repeat, stuck on a loop no matter how much you try to banish it.
So I get that much. Or at least, I think I do.
Other people, so far as I can tell, have not had an abusive childhood, however, and yet still get stuck in abusive relationships. I’m still perplexed as to how those patterns get started.
In any case, we have AA, NA, even SA. They even have support groups for alien abducteee. Can’t we have a similar group for people in an addictive relationship with a total asshole?