If only I could make it out of here and find stability in another job, a more respectable, better paying job where I could work on my insane debt, I think I would feel okay. I could tell people where I worked without shame, my parents would not worry about me and I would not have to worry about making them worry. I would hopefully not work in this backed-up toilet of a town, either. I just need to find a respectable way to make money. So many problems would be solved.
That’s all society is about, after all: get a stable job, pay your bills, retire if you can and enjoy what you can out of life before your meat machine breaks down and you’re forced to evacuate. Then, you know, reincarnation and the whole shitty cycle starts over.
Go ahead. Procure some meaning out of that bullshit. I can’t.
Still, it seems to be what I have so far not managed to accomplish and something I need to in order to feel better about myself. Still, if it were all said and done I think I’d still hate my life, perhaps even more, but I could hate my life with a thicker wallet.
This is the sane way to live? This is what it means to be on the right track? Not substance, but image?
I hate this. I hate it all. I am bitter, feel little hope that will get better, but my life needs to change. Soon.
I need hell of a higher wage.