With respect to the dream or whatever it was that crept into my mind right as I was about to step in the shower, it’s like I’m outside the bubble now and the memories are inside. I can kind of feel the surface emotionally and catch ambiguous imagery associated with it, but I cannot seem to penetrate the bubble. I feel like I’ve gone blind and I’m forced to see with my hands.
In the circumstance, the scenario, I was convinced that this was it, that it was over, that I was going to die. I remember having been fooled before only to come out alive, but something happened this time that removed all doubt. The seriousness of matter sunk in, penetrated, so I know I had time to consider it all before it happened. I acted with the knowledge that either way, I was going to die. Was I fucking fighting something? As real as it feels, I cannot remember the circumstances.